My name is Mykalus Kane and I'm a nosy bastard. Someone put a leopard skin on Antenor's front door. A leopard skin on a door is a sign that the place is not to be looted by soldiers.
Assos has an harbour miles from the town and it's a bloody steep climb. Stratonikos the citharast said 'go to Assos so that you may quickly come to destruction'. He plays a mean cithara does old Strat! One day Zeus was angry and sent a lightning bolt from his cloud clean into the neck of old Strat's cithara and it sounded fucking amazing. An electric cithara. He could never play as well again as his arm was fucked.
Kane or Kanai was founded by Lokrians from Kynos. That's where my great great great great great grandad was from. He was a Lokrian. Fuck knows where his dad came from. London maybe.
Ajax the Greek was destroyed in a shipwreck, not by Athena's wrath as she hated all the Greeks for violating her sanctuary, but by Poseidon because Ajax was a boastful git and Poseidon hated show offs. That's a bit rich coming from him! There's a statue of Ajax but I can't remember where the fuck it is. Someone named some scouring powder after the bloke which is nice.
One day one of Maninnikus's goats fell down into a cave that has a river, near Lake Sapra, and when it emerged it was found by a shepherd called Dog. Aiga is old Hellenic for goat and Aiga gives its name to the Aiegian sea. It's the goat sea.
The Aphrodision is on Cape Pyrrha at Gargara on the Adramyttenian gulf or Idaian gulf. A lot people go up there for a bit of dogging as Aphrodite was the goddess of banging.
Troy has various speculated locations and it's still not apparent as to its bloody exact location. There's a lot of discrepancies on the location and the source of its rivers. The Skamandros river once had hot springs but they're gorn now. Troy was once nearer to its harbour but since then there's been a lot of silt building up thus extending the coast of the Troad. Lysimachus built a circuitous wall around Troy.
Asia is named after a geezer called Asios. Asia denotes the area of northeast Anatolia called Aiolia, but one day the prophets reckon Asia will expand to include Persia and India and beyond. I'm inclined to believe it but I often believe that lying bastard Poseidonius!
Anyway the Troad got going when Orestes began an expedition from Hellas but he croaked it in Arcadia before he got here. His son Penthilos took the baton and then handed it to Archelaos who settled on Kyzikos and then Gras colonised an area by the Granikos river. Kleues was a descendent of King Agamemnon and had quite an army.
Lekton was the southern spur of Mt Ida. That's all I know about Lekton but not a lot of people know that. No not Luton you berk, Lekton.
The Tarsios river at Zeleia of the beautiful countryside is bridged 20 times by the same fucking road. A twisty little brook is the Tarsios. They could've followed the riverbank but you know the Romans and their adherence to straight roads. I saw old Lucullus with a ruler out the other day and I said "hey Lucullus it ain't gonna get any bigger mate haha!"
Epikouros was from Lampsakos where the grapes grew big and plentiful, a bit like my fucking Nobbies! Ouch. They say the wine was excellent. Epikouros gives his name to the word epicure. An epicure relates to the pleasures of food and drink - as in epicurean delights. The god of wine Dionysius is from Lampsakos and his son Priapos gives his name to a medical condition called Priapism which is a constant erection due to a blocked artery. An emergency usually and painful. Priapos must have been permanently on the viagra.
The harbour of Sestos has the Tower of Hero as a marker so when you cross the Hellespont from Abydos you know what to head for.
There's wild fig trees in Erineos and one of them could've been the fig tree that Athena advised would be a good spot from which to storm the walls of Troy - so the city could've been near Erineos. There was an oak tree mentioned by Achilles in the Iliad. No cunt has ever found it.
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