My name is Mykalus Kane and I'm a nosy Cappadocian and today I'm gonna take a butchers at bloody Attica. This means I need to cop a lift on a beaked ship going out of Abydos.
So I arrives in Nisaia on the coast of Megaris, now a separate state but it was once part of Attica. They say Attica gets its name from Akte and became Aktika then Attica. I had a quick nose round Nisaia. Nearby are the Skironides rocks where there's a very dangerous mountain road and a lot of bloody carts fall off it. Plenty of bandits lurk in the bushes too, so don't go down it after dark. Skiron the bloke was one of these fuckers and they say old Theseus clobbered him one day and made the route much safer. There's a violent westerly wind in these parts and they now call it the Skiron after that robbing bastard.
Visited a pub in Megara and some geezer told me about an old pillar. He said 'back in the days they erected a pillar, it was written on one side "this belongs to Ionians and on the other side this belongs to Dorians" as this was always disputed territory. It's a place worth fighting over as it's very strategic.' I had another sherbert. He said 'Attica and Megaris was all one state called Ionia, named after Ion the bloke. Ionia was divided into four parts owned by Aigeus, Lycos, Pallas, and Nisos. That's why the port of Megaris is called Nisaia. Eventually we kicked out the fucking Ionians and it became run by us Dorians from darn sarf. We removed the pillar.'
Right, so I stock up on pine from the island of Salamis after a rocky old boat trip over the Bay of Eleusis. There was a big sea battle with old Xerxes here years ago but the Greeks sent him packing. On Salamis there was a bloke called Kychreus who had a snake and he fed it loads of rats and mice until it grew so big and menacing it started to cause a lot of bloody bother. So Eurylochos drove it off the island and the girl Demeter felt sorry for it and took it in. I got a nice bundle of choice wood anyway and grabbed the ferry to Eleusis and had a bacon sarnie, plenty of brarn sauce and a honey- roasted sparrer. Pericles was here once supervising the construction of a nice Parthenon.
Trotted down the Sacred Way to Athens. Had a butchers at a different Parthenon which has a bloody nice ivory statue of Athena. There's a lamp at the temple of Polias and it's been going since it was lit as no bastard has ever been able to blow it out. Nice view of the city from up on the acropolis. I could see the port of Peiraious and nearby Munichia where people live in caves on the headland. Saw the Leokorion, Pantheon and the bloody Theseion. Munichia had 400 ships at anchor once and some big old harbour walls. The walls were destroyed by the Spartans and then by the Romans under Sulla. Lovely Olympic stadium in Athens but the Olympion is half built. Had some wine. Wandered through the gardens of Academia a bit half cut and caught a film in the Odeon called 300. Couldn't be arsed with the Panhellenion!
Kekrops supposedly founded Athens. Then Solon ran it, then a tyrant called Pisistratus took over, then Kleisthenes had a stab at it. After that 430 blokes were installed by the Spartans. It became a democracy again until the Romans moved in. Some citizens said they had a right old Todd Carty under Cassandros the Macedonian who placed Demetrios in charge of Athens who kept the democracy going. He fled to Egypt when king Cassandros died and the people melted down all the bronze statues of the king and turned them into pisspots! Romans took Athens again but after the Mithridatic War a nasty cunt called Aristion ruled until the Roman bloke Sulla fucked him up and gave him a smack in the jackdaw. To this day Athens is a free city because of the Romans.
Plenty of pelicans about in the city who are a migratory people from up north. Kallimachus says the waters of the Eridanos river are pure enough for Athenian virgins but cattle won't fucking drink it! The fountain near the Lycion is potable. I prefer the beer in the fucking Theatre of Dionysius to be honest. See ya later!
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